How to deal with expectations is a topic that has accompanied me pretty much all my life. Starting at school, going on in university and also in my private relationships: It became such an important topic for me that I started thinking about it a little more in detail. As I hope my thoughts might also help someone else, I summarized them here.
Why do expectations of others bother us so much?
You know this situation. Generally, you are happy with your performance on the job and you are happy with the situation at home. But there is this little voice in your head telling you: “This is not enough. You know they expect more from you.”
Maybe your inner nagger is a little more specific. Maybe he talks about your boss expecting you to stay at work longer. Maybe he says something about your partner wanting more attention.
In the end, it is the same: You think about other people’s expectations towards you and it instantly makes you feel pressured, less happy and your satisfaction with the current situation is gone as well.
Why does this happen? Because approval of others is a basic human need and because fulfilling or not fulfilling others’ expectations will have an impact on your life. In your private relationships, you want to be loved and live in harmony.
In professional matters it is also about your career, maybe even keeping your job. To sum up, just ignoring expectations is not (always) possible or a good idea.
How to deal with expectations?
Do a reality check
First of all, take a moment and think: Do those expectations really exist? Or do you just think people expect those things from you? A good rule of thumb for situations in which you are not sure is to only accept pressure from expectations once someone told you about them – explicitly.
You cannot read anyone’s mind and you don’t have to. Try to make it a rule to only deal with “real” things. This not only gives you more peace of mind; it also relaxes your relationships. You will experience less anxiousness from fearing the unknown expectations.
Additionally, your relationships will benefit from clearer communication – because what hasn’t been asked for, will not be done. So my first advice on how to deal with expectations is to not create them in your head!
Manage expectations actively
A very proactive (and useful!) way of dealing with communicated expectations: Expectation management. Make sure the other party knows your point of view. Once they understand your challenges and difficulties, they can estimate clearly what you are able to deliver and what not.
Make sure to not forget the latter part; it is your task to push back if someone expects something unrealistic of you.
Do your own thing
Last but not least there is one way to deal with expectations that do not apply very often. But when it does apply, it can be hard to execute: Ignore them. Yes, I know, this sounds harsh and also possibly rude, but think about it. Sometimes, people will expect things from you and those things make in no way sense to you.
Maybe someone expects you to be happy all the time – not possible, is it? Maybe someone expects you to vote for a certain politician, but you really don’t agree with his politics. In those cases, it really is the best idea to leave those expectations behind. After all, they are expectations of someone else, not yours.
Have you found your perfect way on how to deal with expectations? Thank you for letting me know in the comments!
